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<\/p>\n<\/div>I\u2019m a Dodge Hellcat fan. Especially the Charger SRT Hellcat<\/a>, the biggest, baddest, meanest sedan on the planet. With its 204 mph, 6.2-liter Hemi ground-thumper and spacious rear seat, it\u2019s the anti-minivan \u2014 the family car that picks up the kiddies at school then lays rubber past the school bus line.<\/p>\n But built on an aging Chrysler chassis from the Flintstone era, it\u2019s also a raw, one-trick pony. A Woodward hand grenade one minute \u2014 a twisty-road handful the next.<\/p>\n What if someone mated its Herculean, V-8 drivetrain to a more sophisticated chassis? Swept Eliza Doolittle off the muscle-car streets and into the halls of luxury? What if someone built something like a Thurston Hellcat III<\/a>?<\/p>\n Well, let me introduce you to a truly twisted gentleman: The 205 mph, 600 horsepower, all-wheel-drive, twin-sunroof, twin-turbo V8-powered 2017 BMW Alpina B7.<\/p>\n Alpina, of course, is the legendary German performance brand closely associated with BMW. Think Roush and Ford. Like, Roush, Alpina gained its reputation on the track, fighting for the prestigious European Touring Car championship in the 1970s with ferocious BMW racers that graced teen motorheads\u2019 walls (mine, for instance) with rear fenders wider than Michael Phelps\u2019 shoulders.<\/p>\n Like Roush Mustangs, BMW Alpinas are sold and serviced at BMW dealerships. Yet Alpina goes one step further to integrate its Frankenstein monsters into BMW production lines. Exhibit A: The B7, which is made in Dingolfing, Germany, alongside the Bavarian maker\u2019s flagship 740i.<\/p>\n With its race history in the rear-view mirror, (Alpina stopped racing in 1983), the carmaker has evolved alongside BMW\u2019s own, in-house M performance brand as BMW\u2019s more refined hot-rod badge. Hard-core performance enthusiasts prefer Ms and their high-revving engines and washboard-stiff rides. Alpina\u2019s trademark is low-end torque and posh interiors.<\/p>\n The B7 is of particular renown because \u2014 unlike its 2,3,5 and 6 series models \u2014 Bimmer does not bother with an M-badged 7-series. Rumor is it\u2019s coming<\/a> \u2014 complete with a howling V12 that will make grown men weak in the legs. I\u2019m feeling a little jelly-kneed myself, actually.<\/p>\n But for now, the world must live with the more refined Alpina. You won\u2019t be disappointed. This beast is the kraken in a coat and tie. A Bimmer Hellcat.<\/p>\n And pure car porn. An unattainable sexpot outfitted with every essential and nonessential accessory known to autodom. Gold plate it and The Donald would put it in his living room. Out of reach of most mortals, it nevertheless is a rolling representation of what\u2019s possible in luxury sedan performance.<\/p>\n At its heart is the 740i\u2019s twin-turbo V-8 bulked up to 600 horses and 591 pound-feet of torque. That\u2019s more than 100 horses shy of the Hellcat. But mated to a quick-shifting, automatic eight-speed tranny and torque-vectoring AWD system, the Bimmer lays down power better than the tire-smoking, tail-wagging Dodge to achieve similar eyeball-flattening acceleration times. Zero-60 goes by in just 3.5 seconds; the quarter mile tape broken in sub-12.<\/p>\n Bearing Alpina\u2019s signature, multi-spoke wheels and lowered menacingly to the ground (its front spoiler dragging out of my driveway like a Corvette Z06), the B7 has presence. Drop the hammer out of a Woodward stoplight and the B7 launches like a nuclear missile. Inside the yacht-like cabin the 4.4-liter V8 sounds a football field away, but acceleration is immediate.<\/p>\n I took the Alpina to Pontiac on M1 Concourse\u2019s Championship Raceway<\/a> (official track school car: Hellcat) where it was astonishingly quick. With stamina. A heat-challenged, electric Tesla wouldn\u2019t make it a lap<\/a>. Even the BMW X5M I flogged at Autobahn Raceway<\/a> went into limp mode after five hot laps. The Alpina pounded around all day long.<\/p>\n