Payne: Mini John Cooper Works Hardtop goes to the max

Posted by hpayne on November 16, 2015

Detroit News Auto Critic Henry Payne got to spend some

I was about eight years old when I had one of my first track hot laps aboard Mr. Coleman’s (when you’re eight, none of your Dad’s friends have first names) late 1960s-model Mini Cooper.

Mr. Coleman was a paraplegic club racer who had engineered a custom shifter that not only changed gears, but included hand-operated buttons for braking and acceleration. Despite his disability, Coleman and his Mini made a quick, competitive team. Sitting in the passenger’s seat of the wee Cooper was an unforgettable experience. Coleman operating the stalk like an Arabian swordsman. The 1275-cc engine bawling in my ears. The flying shoebox hurtling around the track defying physics.

Forty-five years later and Minis still have outsized personalities.

Sitting in my driveway is the 2015 Mini John Cooper Works Hardtop, the heir apparent to Mr. Coleman’s rabid Cooper S. It’s a milk carton of quirky fun. Which will be good news to fans of the rebellious brand because the demands of modernity are forcing Mini ever more mainstream.

How mainstream? The third generation Mini is based on a BMW platform.

You read that right. The Brit brat has been co-opted by the German establishment. Parts of the American South may still wave the Confederate flag, but the Mini-BMW alliance is proof of European unification. The Mini-BMW produced its first rug rat in 2000, but in its third generation Mini now shares the same skeleton as the BMW 2-series.

The result is a bigger, more comfortable rebel that all but obliterates its Mini-ness. This evolution is a full foot-and-a-half longer than the ‘60s icon. BMW understands brand management, however, and has loaded its Brit dish with plenty of fruit and nuts. Throw in a torquey, 228-horsepower, turbocharged 2.0-liter engine and the JCW is born – the ultimate throwback Mini.

First, some badge housecleaning. In the beginning, there was just Mini. Then its go-kart handling caught the attention of John Cooper, renowned English racing designer. The Mini Cooper was born – a rabies-infected variant of the original terrier that promptly terrier-rized the racing world, winning the Monte Carlo Rally three years running. Thus Coleman’s Cooper S. Thus the Cooper’s continued popularity in vintage car racing circles (that I inhabit) featuring old Coopers still barking at the heels of proper MG Midgets and Triumphs Spitfires that must tire of shoeboxes in their mirrors.

In the 21st century Cooper is a reference to the base, three-cylinder model and its sportier, 189-horse S variation. “John Cooper Works” now carries the banner of bonkers Mini performance. Confused? Me too.

But the key point is that the spirit of John Cooper lives on in Cooper Works.

And despite its more bloated appearance, JCW is more playful than ever. Indeed, BMW’s new chassis and interior has helped iron out some of Mini’s less endearing qualities. Like torque steer.

Gen 1 and 2 had loads of it, complicating the already difficult tasks of delivering heaps of horsepower to a front-wheel-drive car. In the new JCW, I’m happy to say, torque-steer under hard-acceleration is all-but eliminated. But stomp the pedal and you’ll hang on for dear life. The turbo, 2-liter is ferocious.

Like Mini’s mascot, the bulldog (dealer showrooms shelves are full of adorable stuffed dogs). Or King Kong in a Minion’s body.

Yeah, the JCW is still adorable with its big goggle eyes and impish mouth. But where the original Minis (go to Europe and you’ll still trip over the tiny things on city curbs) were dead ringers for Minions, the new Mini’s face is longer, more swept – like a mask stretched over the larger BMW skeleton underneath. Credit European pedestrian impact regs. The front body overhang is considerable, adding to a long hood that makes it look more Golf-like than shoebox.

But when I trolled through the neighborhood, the kids still cheered for the car that looks like a comic book character. Bulging eyeballs. Rebel Green paint. Racing stripes. Twin, center-mounted exhaust pipes. A rear deck spoiler the size of a surfboard.

Pile the kiddies inside and it gets even more comical. With primary instrumentation behind the steering wheel where it belongs (in a rare, regrettable ’60s throwback, the last gen Mini had the speedo in middle of the dash), the Frisbee-sized console is a veritable disco ball of entertainment. Choose SPORT mode, for example, and the Frisbee’s rim lights up red while a cartoon Mini takes over the display with cartoon bubbles over its head thinking about rocket ships and go-karts. “Let’s Motor Hard!” says cartoon Mini. I’m not making this up.

But here’s the thing.

Your cartoonist/scribe may be a sucker for cartoon bubbles, but the $41,800 Minion JCW is going to need all its eyelash-batting charm to justify its 10-grand sticker price inflation over bigger hot hatches in the toy department like the Ford Focus ST, VW Golf GTI, or Subaru WRX. Heck, with the money you save buying the snarling, 252-horsepower Focus ST I recently tested for $29,475, you could also find a used Ford Fiesta ST (the JCW’s suit size is more Fiesta than Focus).

ST torque steer got you down? The 2015 North America Car of the Year GTI’s conservative styling pales next to the Cooper pinball machine, but the chiseled V-Dub will beat the pricier Brit in nearly every measure: 0-60 mph, handling, comfort, rear seat room. The kids may love Mini – but they are the only ones who will want to climb over the front seats and into its cramped rear quarters. The GTI even comes with four five-door hatch option (that only Cooper S can match).

Even the insane, 305-horse, all-wheel-drive, Subaru WRX STI is a $38.5K discount bargain compared to JCW. So as much as I am thrilled to see another pocket rocket on the toy shelf, the JCW is for a special few who covet that special Mini sauce. An empty-nester who fell in love with the Coopers of the 1960s, perhaps. Or a 20-something just back from Oxford, England where he discovered Mini roots in the original Morris Garage. Or a racing fan who just watched a JCW battle Audi A3s and BMWs for second place at Road Atlanta in the Continual SportsCar Challenge.

The flying shoebox lives! Somewhere Mr. Coleman is smiling.

2015 Mini John Cooper Works Hardtop

Vehicle type: Front-engine, front-wheel-drive, four-passenger compact

Price: $31,450 ($41,800 as tested)

Power plant: 2.0-liter, turbocharged inline-4 cylinder

Power: 228 horsepower, 236 pound-feet of torque

Transmission: 6-speed manual

Performance: 0-60 mph, 6.0 seconds (Car & Driver)

Weight: 2,864 pounds

Fuel economy: EPA 23 city/31 mpg highway/26 mpg

Report card

Highs: Mini personality; turbo-riffic

Lows: Rear seats fit for grade schoolers; turbocharged price tag

Overall:★★★

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